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Hey
Luenell,
I just found out that some years back, my sister had an affair with
my then boyfriend.
I am pissed even it was a while ago. Should I be?
Signed, Twofer in Toopalo
Dear
Twofer,
Now this is tricky. I say, “Yes!” you should be pissed, but
don’t stay pissed. After all, the dude is gone and your sister
is still and always will be here. What I donít know is if this
is a pattern with your sister (going after your men) or if this is a
onetime thing. I also donít know how you found out. Did you sister
confess? Did a friend tell you? Anyway, communication is always best.
Tell your sister what you are feeling. Hug each other and get on with
your lives. Tell your sister that what she did is uncool by rules of
the street and this can never happen again. In the future, keep one
eye on her anyway - be smart, forgive but don’t forget
Hey
Luenell,
I am married, but have recently become reacquainted with an old love.
I love my husband and would never cheat, but I must admit this man really
melts my butter! Soon, I’m going to visit friends in the town where
he lives and I want to know should I meet up with him for dinner or
leave it alone? HELP!
Signed Panting in the Valley
Dear
Panting,
If you are doing well in your marriage and you are a woman of restraint
and discipline, go ahead. Eat, flirt, reminisce and enjoy! However,
if you are anything, ANYTHING, less than that - you are playing with
fire! Remember what you have at home (and at stake!) and do whatever
you feel in your heart you can live with.
Keep me posted - this sounds hot!
Hey
Luenell,
I recently met a young lady who is very cool. We went out on a date
which was cool also. We are scheduled to go out on a second date but
she wants me to meet her parents. I am a bit pensive about this. What
to do, what to do?
Signed Sleepless in Seattle
Ohhhh,
Sleepless,
In the words of Fat Joe, “Lean back, lean back, lean back, lean
back.” Do you think the words “It’s too soon” will
mean anything to her? I mean if she lives at home, that’s one thing,
but if she doesn’t and you would have to go over there and be presented
– Whoa Nellie! Some girls’ parents are close to them like
that and in this day and age you can’t blame a parent for wanting
to be in on who’s who in their daughter’s lives. However,
if you feel it’s too soon to be going through all that formality,
tell her so. Let her know that you would rather get to know her better
first and want to wait on trying to impress her parents. Tell her you
donít have a problem with any of that parental jazz but you want
to first see if ya’ll really get along. Sistah Girl should pump
her brakes a bit and concentrate on the really fun stuff at hand and
THAT’S YOU!
Hey
Luenell,
I have never written a newspaper before, but you seem so sensible, I’ll
trust whatever advise you can give me. I am in love with a co-worker.
She is not aware of my feelings. We have been working together for two
years now. Sometimes we have lunch together. We have worked late together
and recently have been on our 2nd business trip together. She has a
boyfriend who is very domineering but charming and amusing at the same
time. I donít care for him. I am 48 and she is 36. Also I am
white and she is African American. Luenell, she is the smart, competent,
funny and the most beautiful chocolate princess I have ever seen. I
long to touch her face, taste her lips, but in this day and age of sexual
harassment cases, I dare not cross the line. What do I do? With the
risk of rejection, do I take her in my confidence and tell her how I
feel? Or do I hold my tongue and suffer in silence?
Signed Sweet Tooth for Chocolate
Dear
Sweet Tooth,
How romantic! If I were her, I would want to know. You never know. If
her boyfriend is a jerk (which sounds like he may very well be), she
may just be settling in order not to be alone or maybe just not to upset
him. She may feel the same way about you. As far the sexual harassment
cases go, if you present yourself like a man simply wearing his heart
on his sleeve and donít say anything out of line or inappropriate,
I doubt you will have anything to worry about. My grandmother used a
phrase - A closed mouth don’t get fed - in other words, SPEAK UP!
Don’t push, accept whatever the outcome is (no stalking!) and GOOD
LUCK TO YA!
Hey
Luenell,
HELP! My new boyfriend just introduced me to his parents. We have dating
3 months. We met them at a restaurant. The problem is I had just cursed
his mother out at the cable company last week. She works for my cable
company and I went in there to talk to someone about a discrepancy on
my bill. She was just about to go to lunch when I got to her window
and I was already on my lunch break and was in a hurry. She closed the
window right when I got to it and told me to get back in line. I was
so pissed off I call her a name. You could imagine my shock when I sat
down and looked across the table at her icy stare. Needless to say dinner
was very uncomfortable. I’m sure she’s gonna tell my boyfriend.
What do I do?
Signed Scared Straight
Dear
Scared,
Ohhh Boy! What a stick situation. Well, who could have known? By now
your man probably knows so go ahead and get it out of the way and confront
him about it. He has to understand about being frustrated and in a hurry.
Iím sure you if you had known who she was you would have acted
differently. You might want to pull his mama aside and apologize, but
just know that first impressions are lasting ones. She’s gonna
keep her eye on you and her baby boy. This may require a bit of ass-kissing
- but, do it ONLY if he’s worth it!
Hey
Luenell,
The summer is over and winter seems to be upon us. The holidays are
fast approaching but with every day, I seem to be getting more and more
depressed. I am single, no kids, no relationship on the horizon. I don’t
want to feel this way. I feel like I’m falling into a hole I won’t
be able to get out of - please, can you help????
Signed Bleak in Oak Park
Dear
Bleak,
You don’t have to feel alone. Lots of people go through periods
of withdrawal when the hot weather and BBQs end. Donít let the
fact that you have no one (YET!) to spend the holidays with. Look at
all the people who could use your love and attention. Volunteer at a
childrens ward in a hospital. How would you like to be a kid and sick
in a hospital at Christmas? Or you can volunteer at a church or womenís
shelter (are you a woman?), if youíre a guy, volunteer at a homeless
shelter. Help those people get coats, food and blankets. Remember -
this is the worst time of year to homeless. Schools need you too. You
are a valuable, wonderful person with lots to offer, lots to give -
so share yourself, get up off your butt and go give your love to someone
who needs it!
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